Do not let people have power over you

Conversations

One of the Arab sages is reported to have said to his son: “Do not allow people easy access to yourself through prolonged companionship, for the most daring people toward wild beasts are those who encounter them most frequently.” This wise saying conveys a golden life lesson that benefits a person in both his present and future. It is not advisable for a rational individual, especially in today’s turbulent world, to grant people control over his life by allowing them to manage his personal affairs, speak on his behalf, or impose their dominance over him in any form.

Among the examples of passively allowing people undue access to oneself, and how to achieve genuine personal independence, we mention the following:

- Allowing people undue access to oneself: Prolonged socializing; using family and personal matters as topics of conversation with anyone; revealing one’s aspirations, goals, and future plans; disclosing personal secrets; excessive joking; as the saying goes, “revealing one’s gold, intentions, and whereabouts”; boasting about wealth and property; initiating conversations to fill deserved silence by sharing what occupies one’s mind and heart—such as “I have such-and-such,” “my son does such-and-such,” “my family does such-and-such”; opening psychological vulnerabilities through aimless chatter; trusting someone who has not been tested; failing to exercise appropriate caution with strangers; entering places without knowing beforehand how to exit; associating with the enemies of one’s father, mother, brother, or sister; foolishly boasting about personal achievements; and trusting again someone who has betrayed you even once.

- Granting personal time to those who do not deserve it; associating with petty-minded individuals under the guise of humility; remaining silent in the face of insults from despicable people under the guise of forbearance; offering advice to those who have not asked for it; living near people harboring ill will; pretending closeness with those who are not truly close; and associating with the educated while ignoring the ignorant.

- Genuine personal independence: Maintaining a cautious (formal) demeanor in the external world; ceasing emotional dependency; refraining from sharing personal opinions on any matter except with those who are intellectually and psychologically mature; staying vigilant and not turning a blind eye (situational awareness); not revealing where one has come from or where one is going; filtering the information and news one consumes in public life; continuing to acquire and develop effective communication skills and critical thinking; and not neglecting to learn and apply life’s lessons.

A Kuwaiti writer