The Guest Pays for the Drinks
The Diwaniya today is bustling, with young men gathered, and the aroma of cardamom and saffron wafting from the coffee dallah.
The elder sat in the front seat of the majlis, legs crossed, wearing a smile that was hard to contain, and then said: “Today, I want to liven up the Diwaniya with a funny story. I’ve brought it to you from Al-Jahiz’s book ‘The Misers,’ about a man so stingy it was in his marrow.”
The young man said, as he passed around the tea cups: “Go ahead, Grandpa. We need a laugh to expand our chest’s airways after the congestion of work.”
The elder laughed and said: “This miser had a dear guest visit him, and the host wanted to make himself look like Hatim al-Tai in front of him! He called out to his son with a voice that shook the Diwaniya:
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“Boy, go to the butcher and bring us half a kilo of lean meat, and make sure it’s from the spine... for the sake of our dear guest’s eyes.”
He winked at his son.
The man interrupted: “Get lost, you fool. Half a kilo of lean meat? By God, my guest is full. Keep going... keep going.”
The elder continued: “After a long absence, the son returned, while the guest was still waiting, his stomach playing tunes of hunger.”
The father asked: “Where is the meat? You’ve embarrassed us in front of God’s guest.”
The son replied with complete calm: “I went to the butcher and told him: ‘Give me the best meat you have.’ He said: ‘I have meat that melts in your mouth like butter.’
I thought to myself: If the matter is about butter, why not buy butter and save the cost of meat?
I went to the grocer and asked for the best butter. He said: ‘I have butter that tastes more delicious than date syrup.’
I said: If it’s date syrup, the matter is easy.
I went and asked for date syrup. He said: ‘I have date syrup so pure it’s like water.’
I said: And we have plenty of water... forget it!
I came back to you, Dad, and saved you the cost of meat, butter, and date syrup!”
The elder clapped his hands and said: “Well done! This isn’t just a son... this is a savings project.”
The elder laughed and said: “The father’s heart opened up. He wanted to embrace his son and kiss his head, and he said to him: ‘By God, well done! I testify that you are cunning... but, son, on this errand, you wore out the soles of your sandals from running, and their price is higher than meat, butter, and date syrup!’
The people in the Diwaniya fell silent, each waiting for the punchline.
The elder stood up, imitating the son’s movements, and said in a mocking tone: ‘Oh, Dad, I raised you. Rest assured, don’t worry... and when I left the house, I wore the guest’s sandals!’
The Diwaniya erupted in laughter.
From a corner of the majlis, an expert spoke: “This is called integrated strategic stinginess... The father teaches, the son innovates, and the guest ultimately pays the bill.”
Then he raised his hand and said: “O God, protect us from the evil of miserliness, and do not place over us anyone who does not fear You, neither in our bellies nor in our shoes.”
The young men said in unison: “Amen, our master.”
And they burst into laughter once again.
The wealthy man said: “O God, grant us rest, an iPhone, and a car with its key.”
At that moment, the voice of Sheikh Zaghloul came from afar: “Allahu Akbar... Allahu Akbar.”
A Kuwaiti writer
