Causes and Consequences of Personal Grudges
“And do not put in our hearts any resentment toward those who have believed. Our Lord, indeed You are Kind and Merciful.” (Al-Hashr 10)
Bitterness, or hardness of the heart, is a feeling of psychological pain, anger, or personal malice that transforms into entrenched resentment, settling in the chest and rarely dissipating. Such bitterness occupies the mind, perhaps corroding it like woodworm in timber, and can sometimes be more destructive than cancer.
It is, of course, a scourge that destroys human relationships, with a particularly severe impact on family ties. It is incumbent upon every rational person to elevate themselves above such heart-bitterness. Among its causes and consequences, we mention the following:
Causes: Psychological immaturity, envy among peers and relatives, narrow-mindedness, stinginess, hypocritical religiosity, indoctrination in childhood, psychological compensation for feelings of inferiority by belittling others, low self-esteem, ignorance, lingering pre-Islamic prejudices in the heart, associating with narrow-minded individuals, childish behavior, distorted perception, arrogance, foolish competition among people of the same background, miserliness, dissatisfaction with divine decree, foolish jealousy, the intergenerational inheritance of blind hatred, spiritual blindness, scarcity of seeking forgiveness, listening to gossip and succumbing to slander, self-imposed misfortune, arrogance, refusal to appreciate the feelings of parents and close relatives, interference of outsiders in family matters, poor family upbringing, disobedience to righteous parents, excessive emotional dependency, intellectual and social isolation, hardness of heart, psychological withdrawal, immersion in materialistic thinking, religious extremism, ignorance of the true enemy, extreme foolishness, psychological disorders, and looking down on relatives due to knowledge or wealth.
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Consequences of heart-bitterness: Destruction of family relationships, bequeathing petty personal grudges to offspring, corruption of judgment, the contempt shown by envious relatives toward those whom they all despise, severing ties of kinship, reduction of blessings in sustenance, generating illnesses and psychological complexes, personality disorders, confusion of personal priorities and goals, entrenchment of petty psychological biases, narrow-mindedness, spiritual blindness, disruption of personal decision-making processes, chronic worries, pessimistic thinking, aversion to doing good, blind jealousy, foolish envy, and at times, seeking to sabotage the lives of peers and relatives for purely narcissistic reasons. It leads to the absence of chivalry, the alienation of rational and righteous people from those who harbor grudges and childish resentments, depression, exposure to disobedience from one’s children, and dying in regret over what could have been remedied.
A Kuwaiti writer
