Ronaldo and Messi... World War III!
At the moment the Diwaniya settled into a hush, Al-Shaib said, “Hey guys, give me the news: is the World Cup over, or is there more to come?”
The expert replied, “Yeah, it’s over. Spain won. Now that we’ve celebrated saying goodbye to the stadiums…”
Al-Shaib interjected, “Wait… I still can’t get over it. Why do I see ‘Abd al-Rahman’ every Monday, all riled up in the comments?”
Al-Mu’aqq, laughing, said, “By His creation, things are in flux. The mic is yours; give us today’s topic.”
Al-Shaib said, “Indeed. But today I saw someone write that he respects both Ronaldo and Messi.”
The man asked, “And then?”
He replied, “Ronaldo’s fans called him a ‘dead-end guy,’ and Messi’s fans told him he’s ‘playing both sides.’ The guy then deleted his account and went off to raise pigeons and train canaries.”
The Diwaniya erupted in laughter.
The expert said, “Unfortunately, some people have something wrong with their brains. Now we have two factions, acting as guardians over Ronaldo and Messi, even though neither player asked for anyone to guard them.”
The young man said, “I support Ronaldo.”
Al-Mu’aqq retorted, “And I support Abu Tiago Messi.”
Al-Shaib quickly added, “And I support the goat that was teased.”
They laughed.
Al-Mu’aqq said, “I know one guy who turns his face away if you praise Messi in front of him, abandoning his family and tribe. But if you call Ronaldo a legend, he’ll pull out statistics from 2008, as if he’s an employee at the International Federation of History and Statistics.”
The expert said, “Ask those people about their country’s history, and they’ll mumble and look away. But ask them how many goals Ronaldo scored by Tuesday at 9:17, and before you finish saying ‘good evening,’ they’ll slap you with the data.”
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Al-Shaib laughed and said, “That’s not a fan; that’s a computer memory stick, white mocha style.”
Al-Mutamalwas rested his hand on his cheek, smiling.
The young man asked him, “Who are you with?”
Al-Mutamalwas said confidently, “I’m with the garden.”
He asked, “And what’s your garden’s opinion? We want the truth.”
He replied, “If I’m among Ronaldo’s fans, I’ll say Messi is a brilliant player. If I’m among Messi’s fans, I’ll say Ronaldo is a player born without flaws.”
Al-Mu’aqq asked, “And then, what’s the situation?”
He said, “I’ll bite the hem of my thobe and kick them both.”
The expert said, “Suppose, for example, Ronaldo and Messi sat together on a wooden chair, drinking salep at a street corner café.”
Al-Shaib said, “I swear, they might laugh more than their fans.”
Al-Mu’aqq said, “Yes… while outside, their fans are fighting. One swears by divorce, another swears never to enter his friend’s Diwaniya again, and the third has blocked his brother because he said, ‘Both are legends.’”
The young man, adjusting his ghutrah, said, “The problem is that the players have collected hundreds of millions, while the fans have collected stress, anger, sins, and family problems.”
Al-Shaib stood up, eating dates and brushing off his thobe, and said, “My children, I swear, if Ronaldo knew someone left his wife for him, he’d tell him: ‘Amigo, go back to your wife and kids.’ And if Messi knew two people had been estranged for five years because of him, he might gather them in a selfie, and the matter would end with cheese.”
Finally, the silent man spoke: “The tragedy is that Ronaldo and Messi might have dinner together and laugh, while on the other end, their fans are still arguing over who should pay the bill for the estrangement.”
… At that moment, Sheikh Zaghloul’s call to the noon prayer reached our ears.
A Kuwaiti writer
