Silent Divorce

One of the most silent and hidden phenomena, often overlooked in public discourse, is “silent divorce.” It constitutes the highest proportion of irrevocable divorces. It involves a psychological and physical separation between spouses who continue to live under the same roof within the framework of an irrevocable marriage, yet remain emotionally and psychologically detached from one another, often occupying separate rooms. This arrangement is maintained to avoid societal judgment and to conform to social norms.

This type of divorce does not provide stability; rather, it leads to complete neglect of proper child-rearing, resulting in various problems such as addiction and behavioral deviance. These outcomes stem from the psychological instability experienced by both husband and wife.

Neglect breeds constant conflict, anxiety, depression, and isolation within the home. Consequently, divine blessings depart, replaced by resentment, distress, and physical and psychological illnesses of all kinds.

What is particularly concerning is that many couples remain separated for years, or for periods exceeding six months, before reuniting. Such behavior, if it involves sexual relations, requires expiation (kaffarah). Why? Because psychological and emotional separation between spouses is considered a form of divorce, in addition to the psychological consequences it leaves within the household, at the expense of children’s happiness and upbringing.

However, let us return to the Book of Allah, the Exalted, specifically to Surah Al-Mujadila, which addresses an important issue: emotional separation between spouses. The Quran likens a woman to one of her husband’s mahram relatives (prohibited for marriage) as a metaphor for this emotional detachment, underscoring that marital affection should never be underestimated.

Allah, the Almighty, says in the clear verses of His Book: “Certainly has Allah heard the statement of the woman who argues with you concerning her husband and complains to Allah. And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.” (Al-Mujadila: 1). This refers to the story of the noble companion Khawla bint Tha’laba.

She came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) complaining about her husband. She said: “O Messenger of Allah, my youth has been spent on him, and I have borne his children. But when I grew old and my children grew up, he declared me forbidden to him.” This refers to the practice of “Zihar,” where Aus ibn al-Samit, upon becoming angry with her, would say to her, “You are to me like the back of my mother.” This was a pre-Islamic custom until Islam prohibited it. A loving husband would not utter such words, which signify emotional separation between spouses. When Khawla complained to the Prophet about her husband’s behavior—specifically when he desired intimacy and she refused—he said to her: “I see nothing but that you have made yourself unlawful to him.”

Khawla then engaged in dialogue with the Prophet, persuading him that she loved her husband, had no family to support her, and had young children to care for, with no wealth to sustain them. Despite her pleas, the Prophet repeatedly responded with the same statement: “I see nothing but that you have made yourself unlawful to him.”

Khawla then prayed to Allah, saying: “O Allah, to You I complain of my condition and my poverty.” At that moment, the Quranic verse was revealed to the Prophet (peace be upon him). He instructed her to summon Aus. When Aus came, the Prophet asked him to free a slave as expiation for his statement. Aus replied, “I cannot.” The Prophet then said, “If you cannot, then fast for two consecutive months as expiation for the words you uttered.” Aus replied, “I cannot,” due to his advanced age and inability to fast. The Prophet then instructed him to feed sixty poor people. Aus replied, “I cannot,” due to his financial hardship. The Prophet then provided the expiation on his behalf and told him, “Return to your wife.”

This story, to which a specific verse was revealed, alludes to the emotional detachment between spouses and the multitude of disagreements that arise between them. In cases of “silent divorce,” where neither party acknowledges the separation and no one else is aware of it, if they decide to reconcile after many months, both husband and wife must recognize that they are required to perform expiation, akin to the expiation prescribed for Aws ibn al-Samit. The family, and marital relations in particular, are among the most cherished institutions in Islam, which regulates them to ensure their purification and continuity in a manner that pleases Allah, the Exalted. The ultimate objective behind this framework is to produce individuals who are beneficial to society, as the family is the core foundation upon which advanced societies are built. A Kuwaiti writer