The Elite and the Ignorance After the Edit
While humming to himself, Al-Mutamalis entered Diwaniya, full of enthusiasm, and said: “Guys, if I had a time machine, the first place I’d go to would be the Days of Ignorance (Jahiliyyah).”
The man replied: “A time machine, just once, God willing. Why?”
He said: “Oh, wow! No fixed working hours, no bills, no banks chasing me, no meetings, no ‘forwarding’ remarks, no Ta’awuniyat (cooperatives) and Jam’iyat (associations), and no ‘I’ll visit you’ excuses.”
The expert asked: “And what else, Uncle Spider-Nam?”
He said: “I’d ride a horse and flirt with the tribe’s girls by the pond, reciting the most beautiful poetry: ‘The sword in its sheath fears no harm, and the sword of your eyes is a blade in any state.’”
The expert said: “Oh, wow, how romantic! Oh, wow, and then what?”
He said: “If I get offended by someone, I’d ask: ‘Is there a challenger?’”
The man asked: “And if he insults you?”
He said: “His mother is better off saying no.”
The young man said: “By God, you’re a show-off. And if he comes with a quarter of his tribe?”
He said: “I’ll send you the time machine so you can come and fight with me.”
The disabled man said: “And if he and his quarter gang up on us?”
He said: “We’ll report the matter to the Sheikh, declare war on their tribe, and the land will turn against the aggressor.”
The disabled man said: “People are patient, but the war might drag on.”
He said: “We’re here for the sword and cheek-slapping. We’ll keep fighting until people forget what sparked the conflict in the first place.”
At this point, the man said: “It seems you want an annual leave, or a world war in the style of tribal feuds?”
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Al-Mutamalis said: “Let a world war erupt for her sake. We are hers, oh Diwaniya crew. Either a life that pleases friends or a death that angers enemies. Do you think manhood is easy?”
The expert said: “What manhood? By your mother’s life, they say you’re afraid of a dog that looks like a lion to you. And suppose, for example, you break a tooth. You might spend the rest of your life crying over it because the nearest clinic is three deserts and two mountains away.”
He said: “But they have no psychological stress, no inflation, no traffic jams?”
The disabled man said: “Sure, but there, if you fall asleep, you never know if you’ll wake up to a rooster’s crow or a raid by another tribe that ruins your life.”
Then Al-Mutamalis took out his phone and said: “I mean the sweet Days of Ignorance.”
The young man asked: “What’s the sweet Days of Ignorance?”
He said: “The one with horses, fringes, poetry, coffee, and flirting.”
The man said: “Ah... so you want the Days of Ignorance after post-production.”
Then Al-Mutamalis added: “And I want to have internet, air conditioning, an ATM card, food delivery, Google Maps, and a seafood restaurant.”
The old man clapped his hands and said: “Oh, the guys, Al-Mutamalis doesn’t want the Days of Ignorance; he wants a tourist resort with a pre-Islamic theme.”
If he went back to the Days of Ignorance, on the first day he’d ask: “Where’s the charger? Where are the communication towers?” On the second day: “Where’s the nearest hospital?” And on the third day: “Please, just take me back to Diwaniya,” while he was crying.
He finished his cigarette and said: “Praise be to God, who made us only sigh about the past in words. Because if we lived in it, our first request would be: ‘We want to return to our time.’”
At that moment, Sheikh Zaghloul’s call to the noon prayer reached our ears.
A Kuwaiti writer
