'Grows and Forgets': Is It Really True That a Child Forgets?
In Kuwaiti society, “he grows up and forgets” is a phrase we use to lessen the weight of the pain a child has endured after any kind of incident, whether it be a beating, an insult, shouting, or even emotional neglect. We use this expression in the hope of reassuring ourselves that time does its work and that what happened has been erased.
From a psychological perspective, a child may forget the circumstances of what occurred, but he does not forget the impact of those circumstances on him. He may not remember the words of the person who spoke to him, but he remembers the accompanying feelings: fear, shame, insecurity, or the sense of being unloved.
A child’s brain is like the child’s experience: it does not store it merely as an event, but also as a feeling. Therefore, someone may have “grown up and forgotten” a particular situation, yet find himself afraid of others, striving desperately to please them, or feeling unworthy of their love, without knowing where these feelings originate.
This does not mean that every child who goes through a difficult experience will suffer for life. Psychological resilience, family support, nurturing, sincere apologies, and secure relationships are all part of the solution for the child. But this “forgetting” does not resolve the problem in reality.
The problem is that the phrase “he grows up and forgets” is sometimes used as an excuse for certain behaviors, as if the child does not undergo experiences, and as if what the child feels is less important than what adults feel.
In reality, children go through a great deal, but they cannot articulate it. Research and studies in child psychology have shown that a child’s experiences and early encounters are what shape his image of himself, of others, and of the world around him.
The words he hears constantly, the way he is treated, and his sense of security become part of his psychological makeup, even if he does not retain clear memories of them. Perhaps we should not say “he grows up and forgets.” Instead of that, the question should be: Will the child remember himself as he was after all this? Because that is what remains in memory—not merely an event, but a feeling born in the child’s heart.
Therefore, a child may grow up, but he does not necessarily forget. He may not remember with his mind what he will live through for years and years in his actions, in his interactions with others, or with himself.
