Dependency: Comfort and Addiction

People may grow accustomed from childhood to having others handle many of their affairs or make decisions on their behalf, so that as they mature they continue to rely on others whenever they face a situation requiring choice or responsibility. Repeated exposure to this pattern can turn dependence into a way of life, causing individuals to doubt their own ability to act and instead rely on others.

This dependence often begins with excessive protectiveness; for example, a father or mother who wants to shield their child from making mistakes may do things the child could do themselves, or intervene in every decision to prevent poor choices. While this may seem like timely help, if it persists it can deprive the child of opportunities needed to learn life lessons and bear the consequences of their decisions.

Dependence is not solely a product of upbringing; past experiences that foster fear of making mistakes or undermine confidence in one’s ability to choose also contribute. Over time, turning to others becomes easier than taking independent action, and fear of decision-making grows because the individual has not given themselves sufficient opportunities to decide.

The effects of this reliance may start with minor matters and then extend to larger aspects of life. A person may struggle to make personal decisions or assume responsibilities in studies, work, and relationships, and may even reverse a sound decision if they do not receive encouragement from others. Thus, the problem is not just about making decisions, but about a weakness in choosing, as if the person has become addicted to relying on others and cannot move forward without external cues.

Overcoming dependence does not happen through a sudden decision, but rather through small, gradual steps. Individuals begin by taking on some of their daily responsibilities, completing tasks they can handle on their own, and making simple decisions while accepting their outcomes. They train themselves and repeat their efforts; they may succeed the first time and err the second, then correct their mistakes and try again. Error is an integral part of learning independence.

Families and spouses play an important role in this transformation, especially if they contributed to the development of dependence by overprotecting or assuming responsibilities on behalf of their children. Correction does not come from demanding sudden independence or blaming them for habits they have long maintained, but from changing how they are treated and gradually allowing them to experiment, make decisions, and assume responsibility.

Self-reliance and independence do not mean dispensing with other people. It is natural to seek others’ expertise, advice, and assistance, while keeping responsibility for our lives and decisions in our own hands.

Independence is not born in a single day, nor did dependence form overnight. Between the two lie steps that give us the ability to make our own decisions, the responsibility to bear their consequences, and the wisdom to know when to seek help and when we can manage without it. Relationships with others remain based on cooperation and support, not on an inability to manage one’s life without them.