Expensive Friendship

As human awareness blossoms in childhood, individuals find themselves amidst their family members, and at that moment, their human relationships begin to take shape: mother and father, siblings and relatives, neighbors, and friends. At this stage, the child interacts with others according to human instinct and the nature of the environment in which they live. In childhood, we are driven by the search for play and innocent fun, which shapes the circles of our relationships and forms the initial nucleus for accepting some people and rejecting others, particularly in the early school years. However, as we age, specifically during youth, when self-awareness begins to develop, individuals find themselves drawn to others out of a need for belonging and acceptance. It is deeply painful for our adolescent children when they find themselves excluded from social circles that revolve around them, rejected for one reason or another, leaving them standing at the threshold with their souls filled with anguish.

As people grow older and progress through university education, they begin to accept the idea of being part of specific, small relationships that are closely aligned with their social and economic reality. This alleviates the suffering they experienced during adolescence, helps them overcome the fear of loneliness, and allows them to feel at ease within the group to which they belong. The most crucial point in human relationships arises when a person becomes aware of the finitude of their life. At that moment, time acquires tangible meaning, and some individuals begin to ask: What do I gain from this relationship? What does it add to me? And what does it take from me? In this stage, people start selecting certain relationships and distancing themselves from others that offer nothing but a waste of time. Psychological studies refer to this behavior as “Socioemotional Selectivity Theory,” which asserts that as people perceive time as limited, they become more careful about spending it with those who bring them joy, peace, and meaning.

The most complex aspect of human relationships stems from the burdens that certain relationships place on individuals, especially those from which they feel unable to escape, such as family or romantic relationships. At times, a person finds themselves mentally and temporally drained by a specific relationship due to the tax of familial closeness or the role they have become accustomed to playing within it. Here, it is essential to distinguish between temporary exhaustion and a permanent burden that accompanies a person, becoming an exorbitant life cost that exerts constant pressure. The decision to remain in or end a human relationship is not easy, particularly concerning family ties and friendships with those who have walked alongside a person through life’s paths and formed an essential part of their memory and identity. Therefore, one must honestly confront themselves at such moments and ask: How can this relationship be reshaped? Is there room for improvement? Is the door to friendship still open? And finally, the difficult question: Which is better, leaving or staying?

As people age, they tend to prefer tranquility and a degree of solitude, not isolation. Growing older does not necessarily require reducing the human relationships that surround us; it is not mandatory for a person to abandon their family and friends. We have the absolute freedom to lighten our burdens, provided we do not extinguish the lights that once illuminated our path.

Taleb Al-Rifai