The Sudden Change in Our Children
One of the most common phrases I hear from parents of adolescents is: “My daughter has changed,” or “My son has changed; I can no longer tolerate his mood.” “She used to tell me everything, and now she won’t even talk to me.” “He used to listen to me, and now he argues about everything. He used to know what he wanted, and now he constantly changes his mind.” Parents often become tense and distressed by these behaviors, sometimes interpreting them as defiance or detachment from the family. However, it is crucial to understand the nature of the changes adolescents undergo during this stage.
Adolescents are trying to understand themselves: What are their needs? What do they like? What suits them? How should they make their own choices? At the same time, they need to feel increasingly independent, yet they still require acceptance and security within their family. Complicating matters today is the fact that our children live in an era where information reaches them within seconds. They watch, listen, and read about numerous topics that we may not have encountered at their age. However, the problem is that access to information does not necessarily imply understanding. The information may be incorrect, inappropriate for their age, or delivered without context to help them interpret it. This is where the importance of dialogue within the family becomes evident.
When questions arise in an adolescent’s mind and they do not receive clear, convincing answers, their confusion may increase. Some of their behaviors may appear contradictory or strange, making them seem inconsistent: today they are convinced by an idea, and tomorrow they reject it. They demand freedom, yet in other situations they rely on their parents. They ask us to trust them, but then make decisions that leave us wondering: Are they truly ready for this responsibility? These contradictions do not always indicate a problem; rather, they may be part of the process of forming their identity and understanding themselves. This does not mean we should leave adolescents without boundaries or guidance. On the contrary, they need clear values and stable family boundaries during this stage. However, they also need space to think, ask questions, experiment, and learn from their choices.
They build their identity from the home, school, friends, the content they consume, the experiences they undergo, and even from our reactions to their successes, failures, questions, and choices. It is essential for parents to remain close to their children during this developmental stage, demonstrating understanding of their needs.
Nadeen Muhallab Al-Madfai
