Please stop bothering me
It is the age of humans: At some point in life, solitude becomes close to the soul and familiar, but one must be careful to distinguish it from isolation. Isolation is when a person withdraws from others and from all events surrounding them, whereas solitude is when an individual lives the moment with complete privacy, amidst people and in any place. Perhaps due to age, or because of the experiences I have gone through, or because of the noisy, warring world around us, I have found myself in recent years experiencing a joy of solitude that never previously crossed my mind. It is the joy of being in a corner that knows me, embracing my body, my breath, and the calmness of my mind. My solitude has become linked to reading and writing, accompanied in the background by quiet music for study and contemplation.
One of the things I learned from living in solitude is not to intrude on the solitude of others, nor to burden those I love with my presence. The true balance is to be light in your presence, light in your conversation, and even light in your departure. I have also become highly sensitive to those who intrude on my moments with their personal matters, particularly via WhatsApp messages. I fully understand that the current human moment is tied to social networks, and that people everywhere feel their existence through their connection with others and by exposing the details of their days on others’ tables. However, I often reflect on my own boundaries, realizing that it is not right for me to intrude on others’ time and mood, or to send them news and whatever comes to mind at any time I choose.
Many have begun intruding on our quiet world with their news, photos, and writings, without permission and without regard for the nature of our moments, whether in the morning or evening. Of course, every person has the full freedom to write what they wish, publish it in any newspaper, magazine, or platform, and take great pride in their ideas. But they must also stand before themselves, know their limits, and not disturb others’ peace or burden them with messages and articles.
When I was pursuing a master’s degree in Creative Writing at Kingston University in London, my thesis was supervised by the writer and international academic Eva Hoffman, who teaches Creative Writing at Columbia University. She was extremely precise in her handling of time and communication with others. We would discuss thesis chapters via live calls, and when we finished, she would say in a decisive tone: “Send what we agreed on via email.” She only responded to messages at specific times and with brief remarks. At the time, this strict discipline in her interaction with others, time, and language struck me. Her unspoken message seemed to be: “I communicate with others in my own way, at the time I choose, and that is enough for me.”
Unfortunately, some have misused social media networks, intruding on others’ time and peace, publishing the details of their private lives at any moment that suits them, indifferent to who receives those messages and in what context. What often strikes me is when someone sends me a message, then another, then a third, without me replying with a single word, yet they continue sending, as if my silence means nothing to them. I fully understand: when someone greets you and you ignore their greeting, that is a message, clear as day: “Please, stop bothering me.”
Talib Al-Rifai
