"Find me... or don't feed me"
The old folk saying goes, “Meet me, but do not feed me,” as if placing the value of a meeting above that of food, and affirming that good hospitality precedes the generosity of the table. Yet it seems some people have interpreted the saying differently; they now go out of their way not to see you at all, so as not to be later obliged to invite you. At many occasions today, you will find people choosing to stand apart, avoiding greetings, or contenting themselves with a quick nod—not because they do not know you, nor because they harbor ill will, but because they fear that doing so would create a social obligation that would require them to host a meal, attend an event, or make a commitment they feel is beyond their means. Greetings have thus become deferred bills.
The irony is that most people no longer expect such banquets, nor do they factor them into their calculations. Circumstances have changed, obligations have multiplied, and everyone recognizes that life has become more costly than it was years ago. Yet what has not changed is humanity’s need for kind words, a smiling face, and the feeling of being welcomed. A person may forget what you fed them, but they will never forget how they were received. Consequently, many now settle for a sincere smile, a warm handshake, and a passing inquiry about well-being, after which each party goes their separate way, satisfied. No one leaves having lost out, and no one burdens themselves with what they cannot bear.
Social courtesies were never a business, nor was a greeting a contract signed between two parties; rather, they were bridges that preserved goodwill among people. If we begin to dismantle these bridges out of fear of costs that no one may even request, what will remain of our relationships? Perhaps it is time to review certain customs we ourselves created and to which we have since become captive. Is the problem with the customs themselves, or with the way we have interpreted them? Today, people are not seeking lavish tables so much as generous hearts.
A final thought: Societies do not disintegrate when banquets become fewer; they disintegrate when even a greeting becomes a burden.
Talaal Matar Al-Wardan
