I Loved You... and Forgot Myself

Sometimes the problem is not in the amount of love we give to someone, but in the things we abandon while trying to preserve that love. We begin a relationship while living our lives naturally, but over time the person becomes a large part of our days and thoughts, so we start setting everything else aside for them, without noticing that we are gradually drifting away from ourselves. We like to reassure ourselves about their well-being, rejoice in their presence, and share the details of our days with them, and all of this is natural. But the problem begins when our concern for them exceeds our concern for ourselves, when their satisfaction becomes more important than our comfort, and their presence more important than our entire lives. At that point, love is no longer just a beautiful sharing between two people; it gradually transforms into an attachment that makes a person fear losing the other more than they care about preserving themselves.

It may start with simple things. We stop doing something we love because the other person does not prefer it, we distance ourselves from friends we are accustomed to having around, we neglect our work or goals, and we postpone important things in our lives because we want to be available all the time. Each time we convince ourselves that these concessions are evidence of love, while in reality they may be the beginning of losing balance. Healthy love does not ask you to disappear so that someone else can remain happy. You have the right to have your own time, your friends, your goals, your interests, and your personal space. The person you love also has the right to have their own life. Having space between two people does not mean there is an emotional distance; rather, it may be what makes the relationship more comfortable and stable.

Sometimes we do not realize we have lost ourselves until the relationship changes. When the person withdraws or the relationship ends, we find ourselves facing a great void, not only because we have lost someone we love, but because we discover that we have centered our entire lives around them. We no longer know what to do with our time, what makes us happy away from them, or even what things we used to love before they became an essential part of our lives. Here comes the difficult question: Did you love the person, or did you make their presence the source of your sense of security and happiness? There is no single answer that applies to everyone, but it is important to reflect on ourselves. Because a relationship that gives you love and security should not make you feel that you cannot live without it. It is natural to grieve at loss and to miss those we love, but there is a difference between grieving the absence of a person and feeling that our lives have completely lost their meaning after their departure.

Sometimes we cling to a relationship not because it has become good, but because we fear starting over. We fear loneliness and the idea that everything we have given might be wasted, so we continue in a relationship that only hurts us because we do not want to admit that we have lost much of ourselves in the process of preserving it. But reclaiming yourself does not mean stopping love, nor does it mean becoming harsh or selfish. It simply means remembering that you have a life that does not depend on the presence of another person. To love without erasing yourself, to give without depleting yourself, and to concede at times without making concession a way of life. One of the most beautiful things a person can achieve is being able to say, “I love you, but I also have a life I live.” The point is not to set love against your life, but to make love a part of it, not to let it become your entire life. A successful relationship is not one in which one person takes the place of everything, but one in which each party retains their personality and life, then chooses to share part of it with the other out of love and contentment.

In the end, do not measure your love by the size of what you have given up for someone. Not every concession is evidence of deep feelings, and not every sacrifice is proof of a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, true love means preserving your own sense of self while you love, and recognizing that having someone in your life can enrich it greatly, without that person being the sole reason it is worth living. Perhaps the problem was never that you loved too much, but that in loving someone else, you forgot to give some of that love to yourself as well.