Lebanonization of Lebanon

During one of my visits to Lebanon, I met my friend Kanaan at a restaurant on Al-Hamra Street in Beirut. We discussed the country’s political situation and how to rescue the Lebanese citizen from the dire circumstances, reviving the economy through a comprehensive review and assessment of the political landscape to rebuild it on sound foundations. After Paris of the East had been destroyed and ground down by wars and conflicts, we acknowledged that while we are not the decision-makers, Kanaan and I know that if one domino falls, it will automatically pull down the rest in our neighboring countries, and we too will suffer. As the saying goes, with a touch of irony: “Each is preoccupied with his own concerns.” The first party, a Kuwaiti, is anxious about his investments, while the second, a Lebanese, is worried about his homeland. Thus, interests became intertwined amid the cold Lebanese mezze.

After the first bite of delicious mutabbal, my friend Kanaan described his vision for his project, “Lebanonization of Lebanon,” as it should come about, simply: First, remove all sects listed in civil and official records; dissolve all political parties and form new ones based on new criteria and foundations; and restrict weapons solely to the state. “Let’s start with a clean slate,” he said. More importantly, review and evaluate the Taif Agreement after more than 35 years of its implementation, as the political process has become akin to suspicious deals with its sectarian quotas. Moreover, the hereditary succession of parliamentary seats and the phrase “my seat is stronger than yours” have become prevalent in the political sphere, while odious sectarianism remains the primary headline in beloved Beirut. Another issue is unifying the state’s time zone. Indeed, it is astonishing that Lebanon, which is already smaller than Kuwait, has different winter and summer time zones from city to city due to religious divisions. It is normal in Lebanon to turn on the TV and see Al-Manar on one time zone and MTV on another.

On the other hand, there is Iran’s soft expansionist and occupation project, dubbed “Iranization,” and America’s “Americanization” project, among other countries’ initiatives to extend their influence over specific nations. So why doesn’t Lebanon have a comprehensive national project for “Lebanonization”? The strange paradox is that when a Lebanese individual emigrates to the Gulf or foreign countries, he becomes Swiss in his adherence to the system, French in his attire, British in his diligence to apply the laws of his host country, and Japanese in his mastery of work. Thus, the Lebanese individual desires nothing but a fertile environment for a decent life and rebuilding his country, as his ancestors did in the 1960s by constructing bricks and infrastructure, famously known for creating jobs in construction and contracting.

After drinking Turkish coffee without “wash” (a traditional post-meal ritual), as is customary after the cold mezze, I asked my friend Kanaan about the fate of the current political class in implementing his project. He replied: “My friend, ‘the tail of the one who informs you will never be corrected.’” What hope do you have for politicians whose faces have been consumed by time, ‘Arafat’-like decay, and withering? The earth has vomited their “Hilmantiyya” theories. Do you see those bars on the other side? Despite my ignorance of the patrons of those bars and their deeds, I propose establishing a “Bar Party,” which would be more beneficial than today’s politicians with their various classes and orientations. Those seated in the bar’s lounge desire nothing but “relaxation and fun.” The bar has become their only path to forget the hatred of their current and living conditions. They hope the situation will change through some active force or miracle. I do not believe that this drunkard will revive the disasters of the past; perhaps his decisions, even while holding a glass of whiskey, would be more effective for the citizen than those of today’s officials.

I interrupted my colleague Kanaan and said: “Since the matter has reached whiskey, let’s ask for the restaurant bill.” A few minutes later, the waiter arrived with the bill and asked my friend Kanaan: “Would you like to pay in dollars or Lebanese pounds?”