Small concessions... and great regret

In the vast and varied landscape of social media, I have selected for you today the most substantial content I found. By chance, I came across an old clip of the artist Najlaa Fatehi. It was not a scene from one of her films, nor a discussion about art and its glamour, but a candid moment in which she spoke about her previous marriage to engineer Saif Abounaja, the father of her daughter. She spoke with the experience of a woman who had lived through the years from marriage to divorce, then re-examined reasons she had not seen when she was at the beginning of her life. She said that she had refused to make concessions regarding her personality and temperament, and he had also refused to compromise; because they were young, and very minor concessions could have preserved the continuity of their life together. Then she said something that stayed in my mind: if it were decreed for her to marry again, she would choose the same man. Of course, she did not say this under the influence of a fleeting romantic story, but after years of experience and reflection. She discovered that life is not a constant search for a person who perfectly matches the image we create in our minds, and that a loyal, kind-hearted person who loves life may be far more valuable than the details we dwell on for so long. The essence of what she learned from her experience was expressed in a few words: a bit of patience, a bit of reason, and a bit of forbearance. I paused for a long time at this confession, or what can be called “Najlaa Fatehi’s prescription” for married life; because it comes at a time when social media has become present in many details of young people’s lives. From it, they receive advice, and in it, they compare their lives to those of others, and ideas creep in that delude each party into believing that they should not compromise, be patient, or overlook things, and that any disagreement is evidence of a bad choice. Some spouses follow a curated life made for display, then return to their homes angry at a real life filled with fatigue, responsibility, differences, beautiful days, and heavy days. The published image does not convey the full truth, but only what the scenario requires and what is intended to be shown. The bills do not appear, nor the anxiety, nor the illness, nor the moments of silence, nor the compromises that kept that household standing. And yet, a person compares their entire life to a snapshot that someone else chose to show them. One of the most dangerous things some accounts plant is the idea that compromising is weakness, overlooking is defeat, and apologizing is a diminishment of dignity. The truth is that homes do not survive by those who win every discussion, but by those who know when to speak, when to remain silent, and when to take a step back so as not to lose the entire path. Not every difference is a cause for divorce, and not every temperament can be changed. There are small matters that stubbornness magnifies: an appointment, or a visit, or a word said in a moment of anger, or a habit that can be lived with. And after the marriage ends, the two parties may discover that what they lost was far greater than what they disagreed about. Patience does not mean accepting insult, violence, or injustice; these are matters that must not be justified under any name. But between the injustice with which living is impossible, and ordinary daily disagreements, there is a wide space that requires reason, patience, and understanding. Najlaa Fatehi’s experience is not a judgment on every marriage, but it serves as a lesson for every young man and woman at the beginning of the road. Some lessons do not come from books, but from a person who, after years, admits that they could have preserved something beautiful if they had compromised a little, reflected more, and not placed their temperament above their life. It is good that those with experience share the essence of what they learned with the next generation, and it is even better that we listen to them before we repeat their mistakes. It is not required of a person to live through all experiences to learn, but to benefit from the lives of others, from their decisions, and even from their regrets. Perhaps that clip was not the most viewed, nor the most exciting, but it was among the most worth watching. A piece of advice that emerged from a long experience, and can be summarized in one sentence: Do not let simple things destroy great things.