Why do some of us kill our memories?
Throughout our lives and daily routines, we find that images, sounds, and situations accumulate within us, which we believe have departed with the end of their time, only to suddenly return without warning! At this point, we ask ourselves: Why do certain memories pursue us, while we actively avoid approaching them?
To begin with, we all recognize that memories are not static files stored in our minds, but rather integral parts of our psychological and emotional makeup. Some provide us with warmth and peace of mind, while others reopen wounds we thought had healed. Consequently, some people resort to fleeing from the past, not out of forgetfulness, but out of fear of the memories that surface in their minds. They fear that their return will bring back the same intensity of pain. A single image may carry the weight of an old loss, the disappointment of a friend, an injustice that was never rectified, or a decision that a person continues to blame themselves for.
However, the problem does not lie in recalling memories, but rather in how we receive and process what we remember. Some individuals summon the past to punish and torment themselves, remaining trapped in a closed loop of thoughts revolving around “If only I had done…” and “I wish I hadn’t done…”, until the past transforms from a concluded era into a perpetual prison. Others deny their memories and attempt to kill them off, unaware that what we run from does not always disappear; it may linger invisibly in our moods, decisions, and relationships with others.
The wise person is not the one who erases their past, for erasing the past means negating a part of the self. Rather, the wise person is the one who reorganizes their relationship with memories, extracting lessons while leaving behind the pain. They summon experience when they need wisdom, and refrain from invoking suffering whenever they wish to prove to themselves that they were a victim. The past is a vast reservoir of experiences, a source for reflection and comparison, and a mirror that reveals who we were, why we failed, and how we managed to rise again.
Reconciling with memories does not mean justifying what happened, nor forgiving those who do not deserve forgiveness. Instead, it means liberating the self from the authority of a past event, so that absentees, the departed, and past mistakes do not continue to orchestrate our present from behind the scenes. We are not required to live in the past, nor to flee from it simultaneously; rather, we are called to visit it with awareness, then return to our present with a lighter burden, fewer worries, and greater understanding. For those who do not learn from their memories repeat their mistakes, and those who dwell in them lose their future days.
