Al-Mutairi: You should exercise patience, tolerance, and willful ignorance, maintain a positive outlook, and practice forgiveness, pardon, and overlooking mistakes and errors.

Dr. Mostura Raja Hijilan Al-Mutairi, Professor of Tafsir and Hadith at the College of Sharia and Islamic Studies, stated in an interview with “Al-Anbaa” that preserving family ties and ensuring their continuity is not an easy task; rather, it requires patience, forbearance, overlooking others’ faults, exchanging good opinions, and fostering the virtues of forgiveness and tolerance to overlook the slips, mistakes, and disagreements that often arise among close relatives due to differing opinions and varying levels of understanding. She pointed out that these ties are not limited to spouses alone but extend to parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, and cousins. She also discussed factors that strengthen family relationships, such as embodying the virtue of mercy and providing material mutual support, explaining each in detail. The following is the transcript of the interview.

How can we ensure the continuity of the family?

♦ The family in Islamic society is surrounded by a strong, robust, and solid barrier of various regulations and legislations that bind its members together and regulate their relationships, thereby placing them in a secure fortress against disintegration and separation.

What is the status of the family in Islam?

♦ The family refers to relatives, whether they are spouses only, constituting the nuclear family, or the rest of the kinship ties, forming the extended family. The relationships among them are interwoven, which indicates their high status and importance in Islam. This is evidenced by the saying of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him): “The womb (kinship tie) is a part of the Most Merciful. So, Allah said: ‘Whoever maintains ties with you, I will maintain ties with him; and whoever severs ties with you, I will sever ties with him.’” For this reason, Islamic law obligates the husband to protect his wife and children, treat them well, and care for them. Similarly, the wife is required to safeguard the family and strive for its stability. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The man is a shepherd in his household and is responsible for his flock. The woman is a shepherd in her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock.”

Boundaries of Kinship

Is kinship limited to spouses only?

♦ Kinship is not limited to spouses alone; it also extends to parents. Caring for them, treating them kindly, fulfilling their needs, and showing them kindness are obligatory forms of kinship that children owe to their parents, and they are among the most beloved deeds to Allah.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was asked: “Which deed is most beloved to Allah, the Exalted and Mighty?” He replied: “Prayer at its proper time.” It was said to him: “Then what?” He said: “Then kindness to parents.” It was said to him: “Then what?” He said: “Jihad in the cause of Allah.”

This extends to maintaining good relations with brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, maternal uncles, and maternal aunts. Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man said: “O Messenger of Allah, inform me of a deed that will admit me to Paradise.” The people asked: “What is wrong with him? What is wrong with him?” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “What does he want?” Then the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, establish prayer, pay Zakat, and maintain ties of kinship.”

What are the means of preserving family relationships?

♦ In order for Allah to preserve these relationships and ensure their continuity among families, two important matters must be noted and considered, after fearing Allah, the Exalted and Mighty: embodying the virtue of mercy and providing material mutual support.

Mercy

How can we cultivate the virtue of mercy within the family?

♦ Mercy is an emotional state experienced by those distinguished by a tender heart, manifesting through their kindness to others. It must be accompanied by firmness at times to yield its fruits. It is a sign of faith. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on earth, and He who is in the heavens will be merciful to you.”

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) also said: “Mercy is not granted except to the fortunate.”

As-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “When you reflect on what Allah, the Exalted and Mighty, has legislated in transactions, marital rights, the rights of parents and relatives, neighbors, and all other legislations, you will find it founded on mercy… and he continued: ‘The successful among creation have sought refuge in its secure fortress.’”

Financial Support

What about material mutual support?

♦ One of the factors that helps strengthen relationships and ties, increasing affection, cohesion, and family stability, is caring for financial support. Every individual is materially responsible—according to his ability and capacity—for providing for his wife and children unless they are self-sufficient. He also assists his parents and other relatives when there is a need, supporting them financially. This is done out of kindness and benevolence toward them. In contrast, stinginess and withholding money from them lead to bitterness of spirit and severing the bonds of love and affection among family members.

Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: “The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) delivered a sermon saying: ‘Beware of miserliness, for those who were before you perished because of miserliness. They were commanded to be generous, but they were stingy; they were commanded to maintain ties of kinship, but they severed them; and they were commanded to avoid evil, but they committed it.’”

Close Relatives

How can we maintain these ties despite the existence of some disagreements?

♦ Maintaining these ties is not an easy matter; rather, it requires patience, forbearance, overlooking faults, exchanging good opinions, and activating the virtues of forgiveness and tolerance to overlook the slips, mistakes, and disagreements that often occur among close relatives due to differing opinions and varying levels of understanding. Especially if the one maintaining ties is aware of the great impact of preserving these family ties and relationships: it brings happiness, goodness, blessings, and expanded provision in this world, and success and salvation in the Hereafter.

Allah, the Exalted and Mighty, said: “And worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives…” [An-Nisa, 4:36].

He also said: “And give the relative his right, the poor, and the traveler, and do not spend wastefully.”

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Exhort one another to patience and exhort one another to mercy.”

He also said: “Whoever likes to have his provision expanded and his lifespan extended, let him maintain ties of kinship.”

And the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever is granted his share of gentleness has been granted his share of this world and the Hereafter. Maintaining ties of kinship, good character, and good neighborliness prolong life and increase prosperity.”